Most people have a junk drawer. Many people even have a junk closet. Some keep junk in the attic, others in the garage.

For years, Hailee and I have had a junk room in our house.

Yes, a room. Full of junk.

We always knew we would have to one day clean it as the Lord would expand our little family. We also always knew we wanted to pursue adopting or fostering, in addition to having our own kids. A couple of months ago, Hailee texted me at work and surprised me with this picture a letter to go with it:

I Go and Prepare a Place for You

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

- John 14:1-4

Hi, baby.

I know you don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but I’m preparing a place for you. Today, your dad and I decided to pursue you. This wasn’t an easy decision for us, baby. We had to go through a lot of heartache to come to this place. The Lord allowed us to experience two miscarriages and a season of infertility. We prayed desperately for a child of our own, but none came. Each month, the painful reality of not having a child wedged a knife deeper and deeper into our hearts, but still we prayed. Still we hoped. And one day, the Lord answered our prayers, but not in a way we expected.

He promised us you.

He didn’t promise for us to keep you. He didn’t promise us a time frame, or how you would look or act, but He promised us you. He opened our eyes to the sea of children that desperately need a home. He showed us the desire for us to have a child could be answered if we would only trust Him and follow His commandments. His commandment to love and care for the fatherless. The ones whose homes are broken. The ones who need someone stable in their life. The ones who need a father and mother. Someone like us.

So right now, he’s preparing us for you. He’s working on our hearts to love you just like He loves us. Just like He chose us, just like He died on the cross for us, He’s showing us what adopting someone not of your own flesh and blood will look like. And we may not be able to adopt you completely. Maybe the part we play in your life is to reconcile you with your family. And that’s ok. As we have been reconciled with God, it is now our mission to reconcile those who are lost as well.

But I will still love you with every fiber of my being. You’re not mine. Yet. But you will be. One day. One day, I will get to hold you and love you and kiss you. And though I may have to return you, I will cherish each moment with you and store up those memories in my heart. I will still love you; I will still pray for you.

But right now, you’re not here. So I must prepare a place for you. I’ve cleaned out your room. There’s still more work to be done. But I promise everything will be perfect when you arrive. I’m preparing a place for you in my home, and in my heart. I’m waiting for you little one, and I can’t wait to meet you. Please be patient while we make the way for you. I promise it’ll be worth it.

I love you. - Mom

I honestly don't know how I could possibly follow that up. Reading it now, I'm just as moved as I was when she first sent it to me. My wife is an incredibly Godly woman, and I am blessed beyond compare to have her with me. Since she first wrote that letter, we have suffered another miscarriage and a lot of unknowns. Our strength has been tested, as well as our faith. But we know that ultimately, God is sovereign over us, even in our sorrow.

We just finished our second house visit for fostering/adoption, and we begin our formal training tomorrow. Yay for 12 hours straight of training? We still have a journey ahead, and I cannot wait to see what the Lord does to us and through us in the coming months and years as we follow His lead. It's going to be scary sometimes. It's going to be confusing, intimidating, fun, exciting, tiring, tense, stressful, and fulfilling. Pray with us and for us, when you think about it. We can use all the help we can get.