These past few Saturdays, to be honest, have probably been the worst Saturdays of my life.  I haven't been to school in AGES and have absolutely no desire to go back.  I love the idea of school, but I hate the day in, day out, hum drum of school.  It's not my cup of coffee and never will be. To be a foster parent, however, you have to go to specialized classes.  They're not parenting classes, per se.  They're to give you an idea of what you're about to step into.  I know they're there to help. I know that kids in the system are vastly different than kids in normal home situations.  But I have absolutely HATED these classes. I don't live for the weekend; I live for 7:15 PM Saturday where I can run maniacally out of the classroom and never return.  Until the next Saturday arrives...

So this morning, when I rose early to read about the Galatian church and how Paul was "perplexed" about them, God gave me a reminder of why I started this.

In Galatians 4:27 it says, "Rejoice, O barren one who does not bear; break forth and cry aloud, you who are not in labor!"

For someone who has had three miscarriages, not going into labor is not something I've rejoiced about.  But that's how God works sometimes.  If you've ever picked up the bible and read a few chapters, you begin to realize that God works contradictory to how we feel he should work. A small army can take on a horde of thousands. Jumping into the sea because of your disobedience? No problem, God's gotchu and will send a whale to keep you alive for 3 days. Expecting a king to come and wipe out nations and sinners? Nope, God is gonna send a humble man named Jesus to call you out on your sin and save those sinners and nations you thought he'd destroy. "My ways are not your ways, my thoughts are not your thoughts."  God works counter to this world, and that's pretty amazing.

Anywho, if you've never read the bible, sometimes you get these little letter things next to a verse. I believe it's called subscript or whatever. So you find this little letter in the footnotes and it shows you where this passage is referenced in other parts of the bible. And Galatians 4:27 took me to Isaiah 54:1, where it is referenced again. However, verse 2 is where I found my peace and strength for this morning.  It says, "Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back, lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes."

This is the verse that affirmed for me many months back that God was calling us to foster care. This is the verse that caused me to write Cameron that letter from a previous blog post, clean out our junk room, and prepare the way for whatever child enters our home. In this verse, God told me that because we love him, it's time to love others and love them abundantly.  To enlarge our home and let the door be wide open for any who need sanctuary. To not hold back, but give and give until there is nothing left. Then give some more.

When I read Isaiah 54:1 many months back, my heart broke because I wanted so bad to be a mom. Though I've always known there are kids out there who need a home, I selfishly wanted one of my own.  One that came from my own flesh, one whose first heartbeat I could see, one whose first movement I could feel. I wanted so much for things to go MY way, but it never happened.   And here was God saying, "It's ok.  Rejoice! I have not left you and I will not leave you. I'm about to do a mighty thing through you. You will have more children than those  whom you are jealous of, just trust me."

So here I am, up at a horrid hour on a Saturday morning, trusting God and coffee to get me through this final day.  This journey won't be easy.  There will be tears and pain.  There will be days where I will question God's calling.  But today I am confident and strong in that God has prepared us for this. So here's to enlarging our home! Let the journey begin!