When we hear the word “self-control,” we associate it with a positive character trait. Not only is it something we strive for, but it’s something we hold as an important virtue in our lives.

The Bible speaks often about this as well. For example, in Proverbs 25:28 it says, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” It is also listed by Paul as a fruit of the spirit (see Gal. 5:23) and is something we are to strive for as Christians.

So, what is the meaning of self-control? How is this defined in our day-to-day lives? Is it a simple thing as waking up on time for work each morning? The word gets thrown around quite often without much context. This is why knowing what self-control means has to come first before we can put this into practice.

Self-control, in essence, has two main parts: The first is our ability to restrain our desires from everything around us which wants to grab our attention and keep us entertained; and, the second is how we can control our tongue and emotions through difficult situations and conflict.

In today’s world, the lack of self-control is rampant. We float from one thing to the other without developing any type of control over our addictions or desires. We say whatever we want, no matter how foolish it may sound while inhaling the garbage of people who do likewise. The world tells us we do not need self-control, but to do what we feel is right no matter how it causes us to waste our lives or time.

People around us live for this world and we easily follow along instead of focusing on what eternity will be like with God.

How often do we make promises that we cannot keep? Do you tell yourself that you will limit your time on social media tomorrow but then fail to do so or make hurtful comments that contradict the Bible verse showing in your profile? What about promising to commit to reading the Bible every morning and waking up on time? Maybe we promise that we will stop hiding our sin in the darkness. Or, and here is a big one, how often have you promised yourself that you’d spend more time in prayer to God?

I could go on with this list, but the main point is that we do not view self-control as important enough in our lives to truly take it seriously as a spiritual necessity.

I would take this a step further and state that, if we cannot develop a semblance of self-control in our lives, we will never mature as Christians. We will forever be those who live with one foot in this world and one foot in heaven, never able to truly grow as believers in Christ. Without any self-control to work on our spiritual disciplines to guide us, we will easily be deceived by Satan and turn from the correct teachings of the Bible.

The story of Nehemiah gives us a perfect example of how to view Proverbs 25:28. As the remnant population of the Jews in Israel were to begin re-building the city, the first focus wasn’t on the houses, infrastructure within the city, or even the Temple of God. The first priority was the city walls. Without walls, the enemy could have easily infiltrated and destroyed what was being built. The same goes with our heart, we need self-control to help protect our emotions from the enemy who wants to destroy what we built and to corrupt us. All it takes is some words said in heated passion and we lose our witness to those who see it (and yes, even if this is directed to our kids). Now, we can repent and ask for forgiveness, but showing self-control when the time comes is a much better alternative.

The story of Daniel also helps us to see what it means to live with self-control in our lives. He was one of the young and intelligent youths in Israel that was taken to Babylon to be trained in the royal courts. It was hundreds of miles away from all he knew and this training was meant to change his mind to be like a servant of Babylon and to serve their gods only.

In the face of the world, Daniel stood tall and trusted in God. He had more self-control in his time than many of us have ever had in our personal lives.

Most of us may think that we would also restrain ourselves like Daniel did, but if we are honest with who we are, we probably would not have the self-control to do so. We would fall in line with the world’s ways and neglect the ways of God. We know this because it’s what we already do in many ways.

Is this it then? Do we just admit our inability to live with self-control and forget about trying?

Your answer should be no.

God has given us power through His Holy Spirit to help us overcome the sin in our lives. We are a new creation and are being sanctified daily, as long as we seek after God and His goodness.

The issue is that many of us try to overcome our deficiencies by our own power and this never leads to success. We cannot overcome our sins on our own. It is only when we rely on God and His Holy Spirit that we can conquer the sins in our lives and begin to exhibit the spirit and practice of self-control.

As 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (emphasis added)

It may be that you will fail more often than not at first before you experience success, but it’s the effort and willingness to keep working on it that will bear fruit. We cannot lay down in our beds and assume God will change us by the next morning. God will help us, but we have to be willing to change and to put in the effort.

Self-control is not an option as a Christian if you wish to grow in your relationship with God. We need constant communion with our Father in heaven through prayer, fasting, meditation, reading of Scripture, and memorization. And these can only be done consistently when we practice self-control.

Make a change today and pray for God to help you in this area of your life.