How to Thrive in Adversity | Suffer Strong by Katherine and Jay Wolf
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I’m not typically one for gushy memoirs or über inspirational self-help books. It’s fine if that’s your thing, but it’s really not mine.
When I picked up Suffer Strong, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the story was compelling and the narrative of fighting through pain and uncertainty spoke to me on a deep level—especially at a season like this.
Pain and uncertainty are like the two main things with the invisible disability I am blessed with. HNA, or Hereditary Neuralgic Amyotrophy (we’ll just stick with HNA) is a cruel and super rare disease that is incredibly painful and equally unpredictable. If I’m going to figure out how to make it faithfully through this journey, I need to redefine suffering, strength, and joy, and learn what it really means to Suffer Strong (name drop in the sentence like a pro).
Katherine and Jay Wolf are rock stars. Reading their testimony and watching their story has been an unbelievable journey of purpose and encouragement that I never knew I needed.
I’ll give you just a little bit of backstory on them, for more you’ll have to go read their story!
Katherine and Jay had been married just a few years when Katherine suddenly collapsed on her kitchen floor. She was 26 years old, working as a model in LA, and a new mom to a 6-month-old baby boy. She experienced what’s called an arteriovenous malformation, which is a fancy medical way of saying that some of the arteries in her brain had formed in a knot and caused a stroke—literally arteries exploding in her brain stem. It’s a rare congenital defect that you never know you have until it’s often too late.
Everything was on the line, but by the grace of God, she survived. The stroke has left her with significant lasting effects, including paralysis, numbness, weakness, and everything that goes with it, but she stands today telling her story and helping others tell theirs.
Enter Suffer Strong, their second book, in which they turn the experience of disability on its head and endeavor to redefine our perspectives on dealing with trauma.
Victors or Victims?
We may be victims of a fallen world, but we can be victors in Christ.
As someone who has struggled with disability (honestly I’ve only recently even come to terms with calling this dumb thing a disability) I know exactly what it’s like to feel like a victim.
It’s part of our inner nature to look for other places to levy blame. If I struggle, I’m a victim. Woe is me! Part of our human nature is that we’re looking for a way out. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
One of the greatest encouragements and themes throughout Suffer Strong is that while it’s okay to grieve and experience sorrow, that’s not the end of our story.
Because defeat wasn’t the end of His story, it won’t be the end of ours either.
We serve the Author of victory. He knows a thing or two about it [citation: the entire Bible]. We all have a story of victory over adversity. Whether it’s disability, loss, pain, anxiety, sharknadoes, you name it—we’ve all experienced trauma that could put us down for the count.
We all have that story.
The Wolfs (Wolves?) rightly say that, “it would be irresponsible not to take that reality and make the most beautiful story we can out of it.”
Limitations or Opportunities?
Another area Katherine and Jay ask us to redefine our perspective is about limitations. We all have limitations, whether we recognize a physical disability or not. In fact, in the book, the authors go as far as to say, “we are all disabled. None of us have unlimited access to whatever we want or whatever we planned for our lives to look like.”
Isn’t that the dadgum truth? None of ever get to experience the life we dreamed of or planned for as a kid. We often don’t even come close. Though I’m often pretty envious of those who knew what they wanted to be when they grew up in the second grade, and now they get to do that.
But even if you get to live out part of your childhood dream, so many other variables and obstacles rise up in unexpected ways. We all have limitations and that’s okay.
But limitations don’t have to be roadblocks. A better perspective is to view them as opportunities.
Our very purpose in life is to point people to Jesus. It’s all about Him. It’s all about His glory, and we can put His glory on display in an amazing way when we recognize our limitations and rely on Him who is bigger than it all.
Our circumstances are sometimes (most of the time) challenging. It’s the nature of life. But our circumstances are designed to point to Him in a unique way. We all have different stories and so we can all shine a different light on Christ.
When we learn to flourish despite our limitations, it gives us an opportunity to point people to the One who makes it possible. That’s the greatest beauty in doing something so much bigger than our own power—it puts the spotlight on the God whose strength we rely on.
Redefining our constraints as opportunities rather than barriers helps expand our thinking in ways we never would have imagined otherwise.
When to Celebrate
I typically take the, “it ain’t over ’til the fat lady sings” approach to celebrating. It’s hard for me to see past the storm and celebrate the small victories. Like, it’s hard for me to be excited about my yard getting a free watering while the hail is destroying my windshield, y’know?
But in this big swirly mess of a storm called life, if we wait for the bluest skies to celebrate, we may never get the chance. That comes across a little more dismal than it should, so let me explain.
We’ve already discussed how life never turns out exactly like we plan. If we sit around and wait for the “perfect” outcome of our dreams, we’re going to be waiting for a long time. A really long time. In fact, odds are, that perfect outcome will never happen. And even if comes close, there will almost always be storm clouds on the horizon.
For me, I’m a bit of a worrier. I’m always checking the horizon for the next storm so I can better prepare (I wanted to be a meteorologist for a really long time growing up).
So the way I’m wired, I’ll never find the time, let alone a reason to celebrate.
But learning to celebrate in the storm is a key to both a healthy mentality, and an inspiring testimony to the faithfulness of God.
If my story is one of celebration despite and through my circumstances rather than only when things are perfect, then my testimony is one of celebrating the goodness of God, not only the goodness of some temporary fleeting thought.
So I need to celebrate more and worry less. That sounds like something Jesus would teach, right?
Finding Value
God commits to us not because we can ever equally commit to Him but because He loves us so much He’s not even measuring.
I am wired to be useful. I don’t always hit that mark, but something deep inside of me always wants to provide utility to others. Part of that is being an Enneagram 5, and part of that is a spiritual gift of service.
When I can’t be useful, it wounds me in my core. As an extension of that, it’s hard for me to ask for help. If I were useful, I would be helping others, not asking for help for me.
You may already see where this train wreck of an identity crisis is going: balancing a recurring disability with a deep inner need to provide utility to those around me is like the apex of irony.
It’s something I’m honestly still trying to figure out, and will probably be working through for the rest of my life, but I’m starting to see how God sees me.
He’s not measuring my output against some invisible meter, making sure my utility hits a certain threshold.
Even when I have to ask for help (which I hate, and I won’t) and even when I feel like far more of a burden than an asset (which I do and I hate), God still views me as one of His precious kids.
It’s not easy for me to get there, but I’m getting better.
Suffer Strong
All of that and more is the backbone and heart behind Suffer Strong. The Wolfs do a great job of sharing their story, the ups and downs of life, changing your perspective, and challenging your perceptions.
As an added bonus, they’re hilarious. I laughed out loud a lot throughout the book, which is not something I often do when reading.
If you or someone you know struggles with any sort of disability or adversity (which is pretty much everyone. Literally who doesn’t struggle with adversity?) this is a great encouraging read. I couldn’t recommend it enough to help you recognize the opportunity for strength even in the suffering.
Read Suffer Strong and learn how to thrive.
