Social Media Made Me Less Social — An Introvert Story
It’s no secret that I’m an introvert. I can hold my own in many social situations, but I am most at home when I’m, well, at home. I like people, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I just have to recharge—and I recharge best in quiet solitude. Sweet, quiet solitude. Before we had kids, I experienced that every once in a while.
Anyway, I’m no social butterfly. But lately I’ve noticed an odd phenomenon in my life: I’ve rather enjoyed some social situations. If I’m being honest there have been times I’ve actually craved being social. Shh, don’t tell anyone.
I tried for a few weeks to figure out what was going on. Am I changing into an extrovert? I don’t feel like I’m equipped for that lifestyle… then I realized what may be happening. I think I’ve finally detoxed from being so ingrained in social media for the last 15+ years.
Here’s a bit of background: about 6 months ago I quit Facebook. A couple months ago, I dropped off the Twitter map as well. I pretty much only casually scroll Instagram now, mainly for art/creative inspiration.
The first thing I noticed was how much time I gained back. For the most part, I try to substitute scroll time with time memorizing Scripture—something I never thought I had time for previously. But now that I didn’t have this addiction nagging me every minute of every day, I can spend time doing one of the most important disciplines we can spend time on.
Since jumping off the social media ship into the unknown, wild waters of real life, I’ve also found time to release three books, and I’m close to releasing another one. It’s amazing what time can do, you know?
But another crazy thing has happened to me: I’m becoming more social. I want to talk to people. See people, you know, face to face. I’m not as terrified of having phone conversations anymore (ugh). I will go out of my way to say hi to someone. That hasn’t been true of me in forever—I’d avoid even some of my favorite people so that I wouldn’t get stuck in a conversation. Hey, don’t judge me, I’m being a vulnerable introvert, here. But now I find myself seeking conversation.
Before I get into my specific thoughts, here’s a fascinating phenomenon I noticed: so many conversations relate to social media. Seriously. The first few weeks I was off the sauce, people would joke about how much I liked to remind everyone that I wasn’t on Facebook anymore, but here’s the irony: I only mentioned it when someone asked me if I saw such and such on Facebook. So, get off my back, bro, I only bring Facebook up when you bring Facebook up. Which, as we all found out, is quite a lot.
So that leaves us in a weird place as humans: we’re either talking about social media, or we’re on social media. It has taken over our lives, and to be fair, there are a lot of great things that come of it.
But honest to goodness, from where I’m sitting, I don’t want to go back.
Why am I more social now?
I’m sure there are papers or research articles about it. I know there is no shortage of articles confirming that “social” media is actually making people less social. But I’ll tell you my thoughts and what I feel like is happening.
I’m no longer burdened by the “if it’s not on social media, it didn’t happen,” pressure. Or the pressure of keeping up with everyone’s digital highlight reel. And I’m not stuck with marginal interactions that fill my deep need for social fulfillment just enough.
You see, God created us to be social creatures. It’s why we have friends, see people, have church together, get married and have families and family reunions and all that kind of stuff. We are social, and we thrive on fellowship—yes, even the most introverted among us. Socialization may look wildly different for a hardcore introvert like my wife in contrast to a socialite like my brother-in-law, and that’s okay. But on some level, we’re created to be social.
The lie of social media is that it makes us social. Really, the lie is that it is social. It hits just enough of the checkboxes for our social little brains to say, “Ah yeah, that’s the stuff,” but it doesn’t do anything for the fulfillment of our social little souls.
So you take that false social hit and add it to the anxiety and depression that many experts agree social media can cause and it’s a recipe for us social little humans to forget how valuable true and good social-ness is.
What does it mean for you?
I’m not saying you should do as I’ve done and completely go away (though I confess everyone should try it—I don’t even miss it). You may look at your life and say, “I don’t feel like I’ve suffered at all.” And maybe you haven’t. But I would’ve said the same thing, and yet here I am 6 months later, telling you about how social I am—me a year ago would’ve scoffed at the idea.
I will, however, encourage you to try a break and see what it does for you. You may find that you don’t miss it at all. Don’t be dissuaded when you notice that everyone around you seems to talk exclusively about social media—you learn to tune it out. But you’ll find you don’t need it. And if and when you do jump back in, maybe it just becomes a little part of your life, and not your whole life.
Is that extreme? Maybe. But I promise, if you try it for a while, you may not even recognize yourself.
For me, it took jumping off entirely. And four or five months of detox for me to remember what it’s like to people well. While you still probably won’t be seeing me at social mixers any time soon, I just may go out of my way to say, “Hey.” Don’t be alarmed.
So what about you? Have you ever taken a break from social media? Let me know your experience in the comments below!
