A Story of Change

I grew up in the church. From as early as I can remember, my mom or my grandma had me in church. The roots of faith run deep in my family, and those two awesome women were never an exception.

I was in Sunday school, kids church, Royal Rangers (think Boy Scouts but with the Bible), VBS. We even went to other churches VBS’s (although looking back, I think that was probably just mom trying to get us out of the house so it could stay clean for even just 5 minutes.). Pretty much any time there was an opportunity to be in church, even if it wasn’t our church, mom and grandma made sure we were there. And because I was kept so occupied with church, I was very fortunate that my path never crossed with any of the foul vices of this world.

As a teen or young adult, and even now, I’ve been very blessed to have never had to contend with the likes of drug addiction, alcoholism, pornography, or anything of the sort. But this story isn’t about that.

This story is about how, despite a deep foundation in the church, I was still missing the one thing that would make me complete: Jesus.

Church Alone couldn’t complete me

After I grew up and moved out, my wife and I moved on to our own lives, went to our own church, and got involved in our own way. I quickly took up my position on the tech team at the church we were attending. I’m a reasonably smart guy, and I like technology so it seemed like a natural fit. I got to spend time putting my hands on all of the knobs and dials while being in church, what could be better?!

Then a short time later, I found myself leading the “creative team” at our church. And I loved it. Because for a moment here and there, I felt like I was filling that hole. Like that thing I was missing was found by just doing a little more for the church. My poor wife can attest, I probably put in as many hours as a volunteer ministry leader as I did at my full time (and then some) job. Now don’t misread this – I think offering your time, skills, abilities, and resources to the church is not only extremely valuable, but also directly commanded by scripture. But all those things ultimately never filled that void in my life, as you might have expected.

After a while, we moved on from that church, and we came to rest where we are today at Cherokee Hills Baptist Church. After a short reprieve, it didn’t take long for me to find myself once again busy in the church. Within just a few weeks of attending and joining, I was helping on the media team. Within about a year I was leading a Sunday school class. Before we had been here two years I was blessed with the opportunity to preach/teach (whatever you want to call it) the children’s service.

Serving all the time couldn’t complete me

But in all of this, I knew something was missing. I loved the Lord. I knew that much all along. Most people don’t make a habit of serving someone they don’t love. And I believed all the things that my Bible told me. But one nagging thought kept coming into my head – had I ever accepted Jesus? What did that even mean? What if I had never said quite the right prayer? What if I said it, but it didn’t count because I didn’t know enough to mean it? When did I actually say it? Could I even remember that much? (I couldn’t).

But every time these thoughts would creep up, I had a really good way of silencing them. Through a handful of carefully picked scriptures and some mental gymnastics of my own, I could always convince myself that, “hey, I believe what the Bible says about Jesus, and besides, someone doesn’t serve in the church like you do if they aren’t saved, right?” So I trudged on, as I had for quite some time. Serving, teaching, leading, doubting. And so it went.

But as 2019 drew to a close, a theme began to appear in Pastor Mike’s sermons. The underlying message was about salvation. About finding salvation. About not “faking it ‘til you make it.” About laying aside any fears you may have about judgement and coming to the altar. And we saw an incredible response. Many lives in our church have been changed forever when people realized that the Lord was calling them to Him. And more than once in there, I felt the Lord tugging on my own heart. Telling me it was my turn to do the same. And more than once I said “Shh, I’m fine. Just keep singing the song, and then let’s get out of here so we can get a good seat at Slim Chickens.”

When My Story Changed

But this story changed when one Sunday, we had a guest speaker, Pastor Tom Eliff. And again, the same theme appeared. Pastor Eliff had his wife to come up and share her testimony, which looked a whole lot like mine. She too, had been in church for a long time, she was a ministry leader, she was even a pastor’s wife. So, when the Holy Spirit began to work on her heart about her own salvation, she was nervous about what people would think. It began to occur to me that maybe that was my hesitance all along, too.

For years I had served in the church in a high capacity, even as a ministry leader for a few years. How could people not look down on that? Pastor Eliff wrapped up his message with a point that really grabbed hold of me and didn’t let go – what if the reason that you continue questioning your salvation isn’t just you waging a war with yourself, but the Holy Spirit tugging on you, urging you to return to Him?

I left the service and toiled in silence the rest of that day and the next. I finally sat down with my pastor, Mike Keahbone, on Tuesday and I told him the whole story. About how I had been struggling with this internal battle over whether I was saved.

I knew there had been moments in my childhood and teen years where I stood at an altar at a church camp and prayed along with the preacher. I had prayed those prayers of “recommitment.” I even prayed “God, if I’m not saved, I want to be, so please make me.” But I had never had a moment of true, broken repentance. I never had a moment in my life that I could point to and say “That’s it. That’s the moment that I accepted Christ, and everything changed.” So there in his office, Mike helped me realize that was really what I had been struggling with all this time.

I believed in Jesus. I loved Him and His Church. But I never “planted that flag” as Mike put it, and that was the foothold the enemy needed to assault me constantly with those worries and fears and reduce my effectiveness in ministry. So, in that moment, for the first time in my life, I prayed a prayer of true, honest, broken confession. I professed my faith in Christ, and the relief that brought was so immediate.

For the first time in my life, the things I was doing in and for the Church weren’t just work. They became so deeply fulfilling. I didn’t have to spend time and energy wondering or fearing anymore, I could instead put all that energy back into ministry. Writing became easier. Teaching became easier. Serving in the various capacities that I do became infinitely easier. On January 21st, 2020, I accepted Christ as my savior, and I’m here to tell you that he changed my life!

Do You Have A Story Like That?

I firmly believe that I am not alone in this. My hope is that you have found comfort in your own salvation, and relief in knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have the gift of salvation through faith in Christ alone. Or that this all sounds really familiar to you, and the Holy Spirit gets ahold of you and convicts you down to the very core of your being, and draws you in like never before. If you find the latter to be true, don’t waste a minute finding someone to talk to. If you don’t have that person in your life, Cameron and I have contact info here on the site, and we would love nothing more than to walk through that with you. But whatever you do, don’t ignore that.

Don’t miss the opportunity to respond to God’s calling on your life.

Bonus: Here’s a picture of Cameron Baptizing me!